Ashes

I probably should have mentioned a while ago that I had started smoking again. I am now quitting again and I'm trying very hard not to eat everything in sight. Now I'm just waiting for when my lungs clear up fully and I can do better at the gym. Should take about two weeks to get all that tar and God knows what else out of my lungs.

28

It is only five days away until I turn 28 already. I haven't really thought much about how in only two years I am going to be 30. It doesn't really bother me right now. I am more amazed at how close I am to 30 than anything, especially since I had got mono so bad when I was seventeen it could have killed me. Every year on December 6th I sit and reflect on the fact that I am lucky to have made it another year.

Even though I am very lucky, I still always have to have a vice of some sort that is not good for me. I have an addictive personality on top of everything else. For instance, I started smoking again. I know, I know, it's a disgusting habit but I don't smoke much during the day, about four a day. Sometimes if I am having a stressful day I'll smoke a couple more, but I try really hard not to smoke the least amount my nerves will afford me in a day.

I don't drink much at all and there are very few vices left that do not cause some sort of harm to you. Exercise would be a better alternative to handle stress, and I do have a video and a dvd to help me get a good workout in a short amount of time (I stay at home with the baby every day), but in the winter I tend to get lazy. I really should start working out soon, though at the moment I just don't have any motivation.

My kid is a meatloaf so lifting her during the day has really made my biceps and legs pretty strong. Maybe I'll integrate using my kid instead of weights like I used to do when she was easier to pick up. She gets a good kick out of it anyway, so it's win-win.