The first Christmas

This year will be the first Christmas and the first holiday without my brother in law, already. My parents, my daughter and I will be at my sister's house for Christmas Eve. Her husband put up her tree and there were presents sitting under it last time I was at her house. "Her" house. Yet another thing I have to get used to. My sister is a single mother. I say that in my head over and over and it still stuns me. It hasn't hit me fully that he's gone. When I"m at my sister's house I sit there and catch myself waiting for him to come out of their bedroom or coming in from just having stopped at a convenience store.

All I can do right now at this minute is pray. That's all I have been doing since Steve died. Pray,pray, pray.