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I'm a one-eyed peg legged 500 lb post-op who lives in a van down by the New Jersey turnpike.
Why hello!

I do not have a problem with people posting comments under anon., but I have to have word verification turned on due to too much spam. This blog is basically an abridged online diary, and I treat it as though it's another one of my paper journals. That means it is not written to provoke conversation, but I don't mind having people who understand the concept of "respect given is respect due" putting in their two cents.

At the end of the day, this blog is not here to make money or make anybody happy but me. People liking it and reading it (and dare I say impressed by it) is an added bonus.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Youtube Challenges

I don't know about you, but I'd rather see my kid doing Youtube challenges than partying.  I would host Youtube challenges as a part of Lexi's birthday party or anyone else's who don't drink for that matter, because the beauty of them is that a lot of them are "alcohol optional" and can be totally straight-edge.  Those who are old enough to drink and chose to do so in their own or a friend's house while doing Youtube challenges don't have to feel like what they do isn't kid friendly, because there are plenty that are not dangerous and do not have to involve getting hammered. Granted, there are plenty of challenges that are really unpleasant, but they don't have to be dangerous (chubby bunny or anything that involves shoving too much food in your mouth could cause you to choke to death) in order to be funny (the baby food challenge being number one on the list).  There are also some really fun "tags", such as "My Boyfriend/Girlfriend Does My Makeup".

 Hell, even "You Deserve a Drink" can sometimes be re-routed into virgin beverages that give great sugar highs (frozen drinks, "girl drinks", mock-tails).  My daughter's favorite is the "Lexi Mimosa": seltzer and orange juice.

For example:

Cotton ball and petroleum jelly challenge:

The Hot Pepper Challenge (tip: WEAR GLOVES while you attempt this or any "hot pepper" challenge)
The AOTS hot sauce shots "mega dare"

Saturday, July 19, 2014

I have a huge crush on #jimcarrey

 I have had it ever since I was in 6th grade.  I've seen nearly every one of his movies (including tv movies) and every episode of "In Living Color".  I have seen almost every interview, and I while I know there's plenty of things that are web exclusive, I have not watched all of them in order to I suppose save them for a rainy day (I do that with a lot of entertainers I really like, due to my chronic fatigue syndrome so I have something to cheer me up when I start getting all pissy about not having any energy to play with my kid-luckily Lexi is perfectly happy to just bounce around on the porch or look out the window).

Friday, July 18, 2014

Girl Crush Series: #ellenpage

English: Ellen Page at Hollywood Life Magazine...
English: Ellen Page at Hollywood Life Magazine’s 7th Annual Breakthrough Awards (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After I watched "Juno" for the first time, I started digging around the interwebs and came across some other films that she did before her big break in "Hard Candy".  I watched "Mouth to Mouth", a film about a collective called  S*P*A*R*K—Street People Armed with Radical Knowledge, which basically is about living off the grid.  The leader reminds you of Charles Manson at the word "go", and zeros in on disaffected and/or broken people who cannot spend another minute wandering around being depressed about not belonging anywhere. The collective morphs into a cult, at first subliminally, then overtly. Ellen had to shave her head for this movie, which is why it was so short in "Hard Candy". 

I also saw "The Tracey Fragments", which is about a girl who manages to hypnotize her little brother into thinking he is a dog.  Her brother runs away, and the film is about Tracy's journey to find not just her brother, but who she really is as a person, and the shenanigans she gets herself into in the process.

Of course you can't leave out the place she decided to "come out".  It was a very bold move to do so so publicly, but our society has come a long way in giving the GLBT community places where they feel their safe and can surround themselves with positive people in the same boat as they are.  I don't blame her at all for making sure SHE was the one who made that confession, and not letting it go to some dumbass who she's worked with do it a la "Grey's Anatomy".

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

#michaelalig, former ruler of "The Club Kids" out of prison

Cover of "Party Monster"
Cover of Party Monster
Party Monster: The Shockumentary
Party Monster: The Shockumentary (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was putzing around "5thavenueproject" on Youtube and what to my wandering eye should appear, but *gay gasp* Michael Alig interviews about his recent release from prison! have been following the story of "The Club Kids", not just the '96 murder of drug dealer Angel Melendez (the reason why Michael was in prison to begin with) since whenever E! made one of their "True Hollywood Story" specials about The Club Kids.

I really thought like James St. James and others that Michael was a sociopath as well.  Michael did SOO much drugs that he went from a straight-edge kid from the mid-west to a person who really did become a monster.  Narcissistic and a trouble-maker (in the sense that he was a trouble-maker when he was a kid), yes, but I don't personally think that he's a sociopath anymore.  Micheal also had a bad history of being up for days doing drugs, and that will DEFINITELY make you bat-shit crazy.  (The bad-shit crazy from no sleep part I can absolutely relate to and and insomnia can look like a serious chemical imbalance to those who don't know the person.  Also the fact that Micheal got away with everything for so long would make you think he's a sociopath as well.  Time will tell what the truth is once he's been sober and out and about in civilization.

Palladium, Nelson SullivanMichael Musto, Christina, Lahoma, Ru Paul, Peter Gatien, club Limelight and Tunnel, Club USA, and just about every club celebrity from NYC from back in the day where people were dropping like flies over AIDS or a drug overdose. Alig himself flatlined three times.

James St. James wrote a book, originally titled "Disco Bloodbath", which was later changed to the title "Party Monster" to go along with the movie and the "shock-u-mentary".
Cover of "Disco Bloodbath: A Fabulous But...
Cover via Amazon

"Club Kid Co-Founder Michael Alig's first interview after being in prison for 17 years for the murder of Club Kid Andre Melendez also known as Angel Melendez."

"Interview done by Huff Post Live and took place on May 12th, 2014, one week after Michael Alig was released from prison."  -PBASAP on Youtube

Friday, July 11, 2014

Girl Crush: #IzabellaMiko

Who'd a thought the hottie from "Coyote Ugly" could be so convincing as the embodiment of the evils that are pro-ana and thinspiration sites? The Lifetime movie "Starving in Suburbia" is the best movie about pro-ana and pro-ana/thinspiration web sites I have ever seen, and Izabella really captured what happens to your body and your mind as you fall down the rabbit hole of side effects due to malnutrition and what lengths "hardcore" anorexic's will go to keep their disease as hidden as possible.  It is a rushed version of the path to becoming anorexic and then getting worse and worse, but it's the ending that is really the important part of the whole movie, when the lead character Hannah, meets the founder of the thinspo/pro-ana site in person.  It shows how out of touch with reality you can become when you have people who think that there is no such thing as thin enough.  First your fat cells are depleted of the energy your body needs to keep your organs functioning.  Then it shuts down into starvation mode.  Once the body realizes it's definitely going to die unless it eats something, your brain tells your body to start eating your muscles.  Your organs.  Your brain.  Anything to keep you from dropping dead from cardiac arrest, like those two models who made the news everywhere because they starved themselves to death. Ana is not a lifestyle, it is a death sentence, and there are millions of people who walk this earth who starve every single day and cannot really do much about it who probably want to punch every anorexic who throws food away to hide that they didn't eat their meal, and every bulimic for voluntarily throwing up what they eat in order to be what those millions of people who have no choice but to waste away.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

BETTIE PAGE SPEAKS is streaming on Netflix

A moment of realization is worth a 1,000 prayers.

Since 2009, I have felt like the girl who was tied up in "House of a 1000 Corpses" and was forced to listen to Otis talk about how much her friend Bill was such a muse for him, and how honored she should be to be the first witness of Otis's big art reveal, after a long period of no inspiration.  

I felt like Mia Farrow, sitting at the dinner table with her husband, the fire crackling in the background, the romantic lighting, the candles......


"No, don't let her in!"

Husband finally shooes away a pesky neighbor.  Rosemary breathes a sigh of relief.  The neighbor had kindly made the couple dessert: chocolate mousse.

Rosemary tells her husband she was afraid the neighbor was going to come in and talk her ear off all night, but hubby assures her she just wants them to try it: it's one of her specialities!  Rosemary feels a pang of guilt for making fun of her.  They start eating the mousse, and after a few bites, Rosemary notices the mouse has an undertaste.  A chocolate undertaste.  Hubby insists she's being silly and that there is no undertaste.  Rosemary insists otherwise.  Hubby bitches about how ungrateful Rosemary is for not liking the mousse.  She starts eating again.  Asks Hubby to turn the record over so she can stash as much of the mousse in her napkin until Hubby comes back.

"There Daddy: do I get a gold star?"

While Hubby's eyes are glued to the boob tube due to an important game or boxing match, I have no idea.,Rosemary ditches the rest of the mousse in the trash.  

What is this

funny feeling?

oh God, my head.

 spinning.  spinning faster.

I can't see straight......

every step


Hubby has to carry me to bed.  I didn't eat enough today.  Yes, Hubby, must be the booze....

baby.   We have to make a baby......but everything is slipping away............

just a nap......

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Gilmore Girls: Kirk can read lips

I watched A LOT of "Gilmore Girls" when Lexi was a baby/toddler.  To this day, if she hears the theme song she starts dancing  It's my all-time favorite family friendly show, and even though I could have started watching it in high school, that doesn't bug me at all.  I'm just glad I started watching it before I got pregnant.  I decided I'm going to share my favorite "Gilmore Girls" clips to prove that if you just give yourself a chance to watch it, it's actually pretty damn funny and keeps up with parents as well as the young folk.  Almost every day I tuned in to ABC Family to watch it in syndication. I do the same with other shows, but that's a different topic.

A lot of Gilmore fans like Kirk, even though on the pilot he was just a guy who worked at a grocery store and then became another character that lived in Stars Hollow his whole life, including Miss Patty, who he reprimanded at the grocery store for eating store items and not paying.


Kirk = Sean Gunn:

 Lorelai  = Lauren Graham:

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

My revolver reminds me of you


The following blog entry contains a Youtube video that is a very graphic account of rape, incest,torture and survival.  PLEASE do not watch it if you believe it will be triggering for you.  My stupid blog isn't worth a possible attack of PTSD.

A Dish Best Served in the Barrel of a Gun
by Katie Schab

My revolver reminds me of you 

How you gave me my very first taste of a thing called "sin"

How I wish I could give you your very first taste of a thing called "gun metal"

My revenge is lovingly poured into every bullet casing

Every trip to a shooting range, every round of target practice is like a dress rehearsal  

My pretty in pink rage and I sleep next to each other like an old married couple

One, two, Freddie's coming for you

Three, four, better lock your door

As I crawl out of every nightmare like a phoenix dusted in burning soot and embers

I clutch my inanimate husband as I cry myself back to sleep 

And wake up for another day of proving that looks can kill

in more ways than one

Always held together by a gossamer thread

Always looking forward to the day you are dead

Always wishing I had eyes in the back of my head