Friday, July 7, 2017

My Favorite Muckbang Videos: Trisha Paytas

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Favorite Muckbang Videos: Chris Crocker

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Monday, May 22, 2017

Tokio Jokio: Politics in Cartoons

WWII cartoon made in 1943:

Monday, May 15, 2017

The Ducktators: Politics in Cartoons

This is a black and white cartoon that satirizes what went down during WWII.

Friday, March 10, 2017

The Challenge

When you have schitzoaffective disorder, it makes it hard to go anywhere, to travel, to see the world.  It makes it hard to make friends.  When you have schitzoaffective disorder and are a single parent with a child with Nonverbal Autism, it makes it impossible to travel, to see the world, to make new friends.

Every time I am put in a situation where there is the potential to meet a new friend or go on a first date, it feels like I have this hard lump of fear in my stomach because I have to worry about choosing D day, the day where I break it to that person what I have.  I have to worry about their reaction.  I have to worry if I will scare them away.  I have to worry if they are just being nice to my face and making fun of me or talking to me in a derogatory manner behind my back.  I have to worry if they're just being nice because they pity me.

But there's this place I can go to where I can escape.

It's this TV show on MTV called "The Challenge".

I have been watching this show since the very first season.

The Challenge is where I go when I want to disappear.  The Challenge is the place I go when I need help getting out of my head.  The Challenge is where I go to when I need to make the abusive narrative voices caused by my schitzoaffective disorder leave my head so I can feel human again.

Every year I watch a rag-tag group of outcasts come together on MTV's chosen Misfit Island to duke it out for the amusement of millions of viewers.

The Challenge is more than that to me.

I see myself in almost every one of the ones that are my age (34).  We're a part of the same generation.  The generation raised on lies.  The generation that had a government and monopolies deciding it is a good idea to shove endless advertisements in the name of sex, violence, drinking, smoking cigarettes, and capitalism.

The generation who read the book (or most likely watched the movie) Fight Club and realized by the time they were done reading that they had a particularly bad taste in their mouths.  The generation that was taught to be themselves, to be unique, by Mr. Rodgers and Sesame Street yet at the same time forced to conform or else, like prisoners in our public school systems.  The generation that could go twice as high as a butterfly through books at home but Heaven forbid if you are smarter than the teacher at such a young, tender age.

I relate to these people.  These people get to go to places I will probably never see in my lifetime.  I chose to be a mother.  I did not realize it would be decided that I would not only be a mother but a caretaker for a beautiful girl who has only ever said one world her whole life and who lives in her own world and wants to invite everyone to play with her in it.

They get to quench their wanderlust, and I do not.  I am not, however, bitter about it.  Giving up a life of being single with no strings attached to anyone for the amazing daughter I have the honor to raise?

Trust me, it's a fair trade.

The one pure thing in my life, my Lexi

And I thank all of you for being part of my escape when my mental illness decides it wants to pull me under its violent waves, as it does, time after time, forever.  Living vicariously through all of you is better than not having you at all.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

2017 Goodreads Reading Challenge

2017 Goodreads Reading Challenge

I pledged 18 books

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Taking a writing break

I have a lot of books I have to read, so I'm going to be writing less on my blogs and probably share videos or links that interest me for the next few months.

There will still be regular posts on as well as semi-regular posts on and, and

Friday, December 9, 2016

Thoughts on 34

I spent a big chunk of my birthday at the group therapy I go to, and my Dad bought two dozen red and green vanilla and chocolate Mr. and Mrs. Santa Clause cupcakes.  The faces were actually rings, so I noticed that some people were wearing it, but we're not kids so they only fit on everyone's pinky finger.

I didn't realize until it was too late that the cupcakes with the green icing turned your teeth green, so I had to warn everyone after I saw a couple people with green teeth telling me how good the cupcakes were.  Oops.

A couple hours after I got home, Lexi cuddled with me for about 10 minutes, which is really what I wanted for my birthday but didn't assume would happen.  I'm really glad she did.  I was in a  funk at group hoping she would want to, and she did.

She's started doing that during the holidays: hugging me and cuddling with me on holidays.  My parents and I hug in front of her to show her that's a good way for her to show affection to her loved ones without her hurting anybody.  She doesn't know her own strength, so hugging is one thing she can use her strength on for most people other than my Grandma, who's reaching 100 years old.

My birthday is never really a big deal anymore, not until my 40th birthday in any case.  Forty will be a big milestone for me.  It will be the 33rd anniversary of when I had that severe case of mono that could have killed me.  My 47th birthday will make it an even 40.

I'm glad I've made it this far, and I'm trying really hard to make sure I'm around as long as possible for my baby girl, family and friends.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016


Friday, November 11, 2016

2016 election fraud

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Skateboarding Content Cop

Dear @markiplier

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Witness - By Now

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Sephora Haul and a bit of a rant

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Missy Elliott - Hot Boyz

Friday, October 7, 2016

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

I can't wait for "American Gods" next year

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Friday, September 16, 2016

Writers and Holographic or Simple Wills

I have a lot of writing on the internet, and the custom usually is that after your dead you have the opportunity to become famous, perhaps even a staple in underground culture, mainstream culture, schools, colleges, universities, or all of the above.

It turns out as much as I have been writing I have not been thinking about what would happen to my intellectual property (which includes all of the writing I have done from the profiles of social media sites) after I am gone until I decided on a whim to check out Neil Gaiman's blog ten minutes ago.

My goal this weekend is to sit and think of whom I want to be the executor of my Holographic Will (they are valid in New Jersey) as well as the three trustees of my Creative Property Trust, and get some acid-free paper so that I can write out the copies.

If you are a writer, it is very wise to look into this: it will make things easier for your loved ones.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

I've been reading Eric Arthur Blair lately

I'm working on something for  about the author and prophet Eric Arthur Blair, best known as George Orwell.  It's one of my bigger pieces, and I'm still doing research.  There's a lot to learn about someone who only wrote two books.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Willy Wonka "Pure Imagination"

Goodbye to Gene Wilder and a part of my childhood.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Why Nice People Are Scary

Saturday, August 13, 2016

The Negative Side to ABA

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Most EXCITING News Ever!!

Monday, August 8, 2016

The Impostor Syndrome

Friday, August 5, 2016

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Being an Autism Parent Ep. 1