Friday, November 11, 2016

2016 election fraud

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Skateboarding Content Cop

Dear @markiplier

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Witness - By Now

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Sephora Haul and a bit of a rant

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Missy Elliott - Hot Boyz

Friday, October 7, 2016

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

I can't wait for "American Gods" next year

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Friday, September 16, 2016

Writers and Holographic or Simple Wills

I have a lot of writing on the internet, and the custom usually is that after your dead you have the opportunity to become famous, perhaps even a staple in underground culture, mainstream culture, schools, colleges, universities, or all of the above.

It turns out as much as I have been writing I have not been thinking about what would happen to my intellectual property (which includes all of the writing I have done from the profiles of social media sites) after I am gone until I decided on a whim to check out Neil Gaiman's blog ten minutes ago.

My goal this weekend is to sit and think of whom I want to be the executor of my Holographic Will (they are valid in New Jersey) as well as the three trustees of my Creative Property Trust, and get some acid-free paper so that I can write out the copies.

If you are a writer, it is very wise to look into this: it will make things easier for your loved ones.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

I've been reading Eric Arthur Blair lately

I'm working on something for  about the author and prophet Eric Arthur Blair, best known as George Orwell.  It's one of my bigger pieces, and I'm still doing research.  There's a lot to learn about someone who only wrote two books.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Willy Wonka "Pure Imagination"

Goodbye to Gene Wilder and a part of my childhood.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Why Nice People Are Scary

Saturday, August 13, 2016

The Negative Side to ABA

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Most EXCITING News Ever!!

Monday, August 8, 2016

The Impostor Syndrome

Friday, August 5, 2016

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Being an Autism Parent Ep. 1

Saturday, July 23, 2016

It was a toy truck.

"The cop was actually trying to shoot the Autistic man, but he missed."

July 21st, 2016:

I wanted to put my fist through a wall that day.

This is not the first time an Autistic has been shot at or shot by police simply cuz Autistic.

If you think it won't happen again you're an idiot.

Best of Kickstarter Crap #2

Thursday, July 21, 2016

If you ever feel like you are drowning...

Set sail
We're leaving the harbor now
Christen the ship
Let the city slip from the starboard bow
Remember when the waves were only waist deep?
When the only thing we knew about pain was scraped knees?
When we would still walk where the shells were in shards,
If it meant that we could find that starfish before dark
But, as the comfort grows
We become the flow
And the ebb and tide that swept our lives into the undertow
And while I'm foolish
For building sandcastles where the waves break
You fought the current
And focused on yesterday's wake
You vacated our oasis on the premise
That our complicated promises were tarnished by the present

And I fear the tempest hasn't left your lips yet
But I love you
That's why I'm staying anchored to this shipwreck
So should the water ever rise above our collarbones
I'll be close by, closed eyes, cause I'm not alone
I'll never let the waters rise above our collarbones
Open up your eyes, baby doll, cause you're not alone

Sitting on a suitcase, knees to elbows,
Hands to face, like "Damn, it's damp today"
And the transits late again
I make friends with the night sky
Calling each star on it's white lies
But, from the sand I sit wondering where the candlelit nights
That used to be life decided to abandon ship
I won't stand for it, I can't handle it
Been waiting for a little bit of wind since the anchor slipped
I've got five fingers clinging to the driftwood
Looking for riptide that you travel on
But safe harbors and stagnant ponds
Couldn't make hope float if the passion's gone

You might recognize John from his T-Mobile commercial:

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

My first Youtube fan compilation!

I haven't made a fan comp. in a long time.  This is the first one I've done about Youtubers.  Please excuse the shitty editing, but I can only work with what I have.  I'm going to be saving up for some editing software so that I can create better content there.  I'm very slow when it comes to this sort of thing so I have to take it one step at a time.

Best of Kickstarter Crap

Youtuber: Ian b.k.a. iDubbbzTV

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

I've had a broken heart for about two months.

This is why.

The one other non verbal Autistic that I had been following on Youtube died.  He was 18.  He suffered from a very rare life threatening disease, and while I will never go through what Kreed's mother went through, I can't shake this.  Every time I think about Kreed's family my body goes cold.

The only thing I can think of that I would want others to take from this is to visit Kreed's facebook page: and watch his Youtube videos.

The only thing that helped Kreed's pain was medicinal cannabis.  His mother is a big advocate of legalizing medical cannabis and so am I.  You can just watch the videos of what Kreed was like before and after his doses.


This is the first time I've mentioned this online to anyone.

I just wanted to show how much more there is to Youtube then just revenue, trolling, drama, entertainment, and play button plaques.

There are microcosms woven into it.  Lives beginning and lives ending.

 Those microcosms are what made Youtube what it is today.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

I can't make it beautiful.

I go through periods of my life where I can't go a day without crying.  I don't drown in a puddle of my own tears, but it rises up.  It closes my throat.  My cheeks become hot and the tears leave trails down them.

It hits all of a sudden and I try to compose myself, I try to tell myself that it's the anxiety I have been dealing with my whole life sneaking up on me.  It's the familiar feeling that is the prelude to a panic attack and if I just concentrate on breathing, there will be tears, but I don't have to fall apart.

While that usually helps, there are days when I cannot go online and joke around with my friends or be upbeat.

There are times when those secret pep talks do not work, and the seams break.

It is my anxiety. It is always there in the background.  It is not a positive thing in my life.  I can turn it into writing, I can funnel the energy of it into something visceral.  Since the first grade I have been weaving like a spider in a doorway.  I create webs to catch it, I have tools to try to control it.

A web can't withstand winds that are too strong.

This is my anxiety.

 I can't force it to be positive.

I can't make it beautiful.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Life is short. Have dessert first.

This is something I have to address from time to time:

(This is something I wrote a year ago. I still don't drink unless it's medicinal because I can't sleep or I'm having a lot of back pain.)

I cut alcohol out of my life completely. It's been a year and a half since I have had a drink. It's mostly because of my meds and the fact that I don't want to wind up with type 2 diabetes, which is easy to get on my dad's side of the fam. I am also trying to make that little voice in my head that always pops in to say "Aw stop stressing and have a drink!" go away. If I abuse alcohol it's going to be a gateway to me abusing things that almost destroyed not just my life but me.

It's not that I don't want to hang out, it's the fact that I am a single mom who's daughter has non-verbal Autism, so not only am I a single parent, I am a caretaker too. I am also the youngest and the caretaker of my own parents. Lexi is also a caretaker for my parents, because I raised her to be a very lovely young lady and is the best mood elevator they could ever get. Also she is like me, tall and very unusually strong for her age. She helps my Mom and Dad by helping them get out of a chair or picks up things they can't because it hurts too much. The older she gets, the more she wants to show how responsible she is, because she gets positive reinforcement from me.
Another big thing is the fact that when I had that really serious case of mono back in high school. I don't know who remembers that or who even knows the story, but cliff note version: In 2000 when I was 17 and a junior, I felt like I was coming down with something, had a sore throat all of a sudden, was misdiagnosed, then out of nowhere my kidney and liver started failing and I was rushed to the ER where they took lots of blood took lots of tests and injected me with lots of things, the scary part being that I don't remember 99% of that ER visit.
I have chronic fatigue syndrome because of that illness. It gets worse as I get older. I have to ration my energy when it comes to visiting fam or going out with friends. Those who have known me since kindergarten know that me staying home and reading and minding my own business is how I spent a lot of my free time: I had fun and did naughty things by the time I was in high school but I was never a partier and while curious, alcohol was the only "illegal" drug I ever did up until I was 17.
The good news is that I am right now really trying to be better at living my life in a way that doesn't leech energy out of me. There are meds I HAVE to take that can make you tired, so add CFS and you get the picture. I have to ration out my energy like I'm some 1940's homemaker during WW2 rationing her war bonds. But my life has been worse, and I have a daughter who is the best friend I've ever had. The world doesn't have anything to offer to me that is better than that, and it never will.
I care about all of the people I grew up with and the new people added to my life. You can't grow up with other people your age in a small town and not have some sort of connection with them that never goes away.