Life is short. Have dessert first.

This is something I have to address from time to time:

(This is something I wrote a year ago. I still don't drink unless it's medicinal because I can't sleep or I'm having a lot of back pain.)

I cut alcohol out of my life completely. It's been a year and a half since I have had a drink. It's mostly because of my meds and the fact that I don't want to wind up with type 2 diabetes, which is easy to get on my dad's side of the fam. I am also trying to make that little voice in my head that always pops in to say "Aw stop stressing and have a drink!" go away. If I abuse alcohol it's going to be a gateway to me abusing things that almost destroyed not just my life but me.

It's not that I don't want to hang out, it's the fact that I am a single mom who's daughter has non-verbal Autism, so not only am I a single parent, I am a caretaker too. I am also the youngest and the caretaker of my own parents. Lexi is also a caretaker for my parents, because I raised her to be a very lovely young lady and is the best mood elevator they could ever get. Also she is like me, tall and very unusually strong for her age. She helps my Mom and Dad by helping them get out of a chair or picks up things they can't because it hurts too much. The older she gets, the more she wants to show how responsible she is, because she gets positive reinforcement from me.

Another big thing is the fact that when I had that really serious case of mono back in high school. I don't know who remembers that or who even knows the story, but cliff note version: In 2000 when I was 17 and a junior, I felt like I was coming down with something, had a sore throat all of a sudden, was misdiagnosed, then out of nowhere my kidney and liver started failing and I was rushed to the ER where they took lots of blood took lots of tests and injected me with lots of things, the scary part being that I don't remember 99% of that ER visit.

I have chronic fatigue syndrome because of that illness. It gets worse as I get older. I have to ration my energy when it comes to visiting fam or going out with friends. Those who have known me since kindergarten know that me staying home and reading and minding my own business is how I spent a lot of my free time: I had fun and did naughty things by the time I was in high school but I was never a partier and while curious, alcohol was the only "illegal" drug I ever did up until I was 17.

The good news is that I am right now really trying to be better at living my life in a way that doesn't leech energy out of me. There are meds I HAVE to take that can make you tired, so add CFS and you get the picture. I have to ration out my energy like I'm some 1940's homemaker during WW2 rationing her war bonds. But my life has been worse, and I have a daughter who is the best friend I've ever had. The world doesn't have anything to offer to me that is better than that, and it never will.

I care about all of the people I grew up with and the new people added to my life. You can't grow up with other people your age in a small town and not have some sort of connection with them that never goes away.

GBE2 Blog Challenge Day Three

Day 03: Something with which you struggle

I have chronic fatigue syndrome.  I got a case of mono that nearly killed me when I was 17, and ever since then fatigue is what I will deal with every day of my life.  The thing that really sucks is that the fatigue gets worse the older I get.  When I get my period I have a tendency to just sleep all day  the first day I get it and it sucks.

 Given the fact that I really did not eat well at all for the last half of last year, I'm really trying hard to fill my body with what will give me energy and keep my immune system as strong as possible.

Feel free to add a link to your blog or your entry for today in the comments!  I try to respond to everyone as much as I can!

Thoughts on Thirty Updated

Written Monday, December 6th 2010 


 Well, 28 doesn't feel too shabby to me. I really am for the most part. I honestly am just in awe of the fact that I will be 30 before I know it. I really amazes me sometimes, because as your body gets older, inside you do not feel as though you have changed much but your body is always ready and willing to give you a reality check. I am just wishing for better health in the New Year- my body really got beat down with my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

 I hope I have energy to play more with my kid and to keep house better and of course to write consistently in my paper journals at least. I love how the volumes of my diary are piling up. I cannot even describe what it is like to sit and look through them every time I get the chance. I do not do it often, usually around the time of my birthday I'll pull out the big container of diaries and notebooks. Seeing my life go by at the turn of the page-it may sound narcissistic, but that truly is my favorite type of reading.

UPDATE: 12/15/2011

My chronic fatigue comes and goes.  I think a lot of it had to do with the amount of a certain medication I was taking that was causing excessive drowsiness on top of my already having CFS.  Now that I only take that medicine at night, I've seen myself start to improve.  Now if I could just stop catching colds from Mini Me I'd be all set!  Lucky for me I got my flu shot already because I have a feeling this is going to be a rough winter.

As far as  being 29- it isn't all that bad.  All I have to do now is to make sure I save up money for my 30th because I really only celebrate milestone bdays with a big party.  When you've had a near death experience at 17, the milestone birthdays are really important.  They're even more special now that I get to share them with my daughter.

What is CFS?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNhDQSAsdyk