To be a successful as a blogger who has chosen the "personal journal" category to write under, I can't hold back. When it comes to the internet, I don't owe anyone my social life, but to be a great writer is more than being a great reader. It is being able to take great risks. I risk unintentionally hurting the feelings of others or embarrassing people I care about. I have so much I want to share with the world but I don't want to hurt anyone.
I suppose if I change names to protect the privacy of certain people who I literally cannot write about because if their boss or co-worker could sniff around the Google machine and the last thing I want is someone losing their job over some unsavory, off-the-cuff observations or anecdotes of mine.
I've been wanting to turn my journals into a book ever since I started writing a diary when I was first grade. Even my father said I should do it (with discretion, of course). I have so much to tell. Years and years of trying so hard to find out exactly who I am. It's raw. That's the best way I can describe my journals. Raw. Especially after I fell in love with Anais Nin. Should I create an expurgated version of my life and wait until certain "characters" have left this world in order to publish the full truth? If my family cannot take what I have written, I suppose I should warn them not to read it. There is a lot that has been held back from them. Maybe the truth will set me free and the burden of my past will be lifted.
I have been deliberating this for long enough.
Semi-autobiographical. I believe this is my best bet. Lord knows I am good with making up characters on the internet.
I feel good about this decision.
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Something in the Way She Moves
You think you know me well: but you don't know me
Just because you read whatever is written on my blogs, does not mean you know me. No one in my life can truly say they know everything about me, and it’s a safe bet that no one ever will. Not my parents, not my daughter, no one.
I will censor myself to a certain extent, but I am not going to completely, because of what certain people may find. Why should I have to hide and be afraid of what other’s think? That isn’t who I am anymore.
I do not usually speak one on one with whatever is bothering me. I write it down. That’s the way it has been since I truly started keeping a journal, at the ripe old age of ten.
Almost my whole life is kept in a box somewhere. Soon I will have to take out a safe deposit box in a bank; the best place to keep them safe and away from harm or prying eyes.
My paper journals are for no one’s eyes but my own.
You read snippets of my life, but do not ever assume you know me simply from what you have perused. I am not my blogs, I am not this article, I am not the words contained therein, I am not any one thing. The minute anyone assumes that I am I know once and for all that they will never understand me. I am not your compact luggage; I don’t slide easily into the overhead compartment.
Maybe it is easy to piece together an image of what you assume I must be by reading this. Maybe it isn’t.
All I can say is this; I speak from the heart. I am more than my words, but my words are everything to me.
It wouldn’t surprise me if this makes absolutely no sense to anyone but myself. That’s fine with me. I’m used to it.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Helpless
"You know what powerlessness is? It's when you have to promise your imprisoned wife that you're not going to do anything about a psychopath who's terrorizing her." -Wally Lamb, The Hour I First Believed
There are many instances where I have felt powerless. As the person I am now, I very rarely ever submit my power to somebody else. Even when I feel at my lowest, I fight the urge to let the depression own me. I control my depression, the depression does NOT own me.
There are places where you are faced with helplessness on a daily basis, if you work there. In hospitals, there are people whom are powerless to leave for an extended period of time. In psychiatric hospitals, there are some who will be living there for the rest of their lives. In hospices, you will find men and women whom are powerless to the fact that they will be passing soon.
Prison is the best example of a human being succumbing to powerlessness, in America especially. Nothing can leech someones empathy and tolerance of their fellow man quite like being thrown in the clink.
Prison has always been a topic that causes me to bristle. It is my opinion that our society breeds criminals in the first place, then hauls them off into a system that fundamentally treats them like animals. You can't spoil a child and then get upset at their throwing a tantrum when they don't get what they want. You cannot treat a person as though they were misbehaving cattle and then get angry when they act as such once you released them back into society.
A person who is in a constant state of powerlessness will do whatever it takes to gain their power back. If that weren't the case, there would be no inmate suicides, no gang wars, and no prison breaks. Some people would rather be dead than give up their freedom, even for a little while.
There are many instances where I have felt powerless. As the person I am now, I very rarely ever submit my power to somebody else. Even when I feel at my lowest, I fight the urge to let the depression own me. I control my depression, the depression does NOT own me.
There are places where you are faced with helplessness on a daily basis, if you work there. In hospitals, there are people whom are powerless to leave for an extended period of time. In psychiatric hospitals, there are some who will be living there for the rest of their lives. In hospices, you will find men and women whom are powerless to the fact that they will be passing soon.
Prison is the best example of a human being succumbing to powerlessness, in America especially. Nothing can leech someones empathy and tolerance of their fellow man quite like being thrown in the clink.
Prison has always been a topic that causes me to bristle. It is my opinion that our society breeds criminals in the first place, then hauls them off into a system that fundamentally treats them like animals. You can't spoil a child and then get upset at their throwing a tantrum when they don't get what they want. You cannot treat a person as though they were misbehaving cattle and then get angry when they act as such once you released them back into society.
A person who is in a constant state of powerlessness will do whatever it takes to gain their power back. If that weren't the case, there would be no inmate suicides, no gang wars, and no prison breaks. Some people would rather be dead than give up their freedom, even for a little while.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
carnival to rofl - April 22, 2011
Welcome to the April 22, 2011 edition of 1 carnival to rofl.
Painting Master presents How to paint a cat - step 4 posted at Painting Masterclass.
blogging
Mike Raven presents Unaired PSAs : Unaired PSA's Episode 3 Swallowing posted at Unaired PSAs, saying, "This post is in a satirical comedy series called Unaired PSAs, a humorous, twisted and often times vulger take on 2 characters attempting to become actors by starting in internet public service announcements."
kevin presents History of Insurance posted at Car Insurance Comparison.org.
dirty jokes
rohit presents Suhaag Raat ka fevicol - Dirty Hindi SMS Joke posted at Funny Adult Jokes Indian Hindi Jokes Shayari Love Poetry, saying, "Funny Dirty Hindi Jokes."
rohit presents Naughty and Dirty sms posted at Free SMS | Latest SMS | Funny SMS | Adult SMS, saying, "Funny Dirty Hindi Jokes."
funny
Joe Tichio presents Funny Quotations posted at Inspirational Quotes Blog, saying, "A collection of funny quotations and sayings to make you laugh and think."
rohit presents Tattoo Designs Art Blog: Funny Tattoos Game Tattoos posted at Tattoo Designs Art Blog.
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Wednesday, December 1, 2010
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