Monday, June 13, 2011

GBE2: Control


Right out of the gate, I'm keeping it 100, when I hear the word "control" I think about food.

When I was a kid, food was my best friend. It was the typical "use food to not deal with what the real problem is" kind of thing. My dad was a heavy drinker back then, so I always needed something to calm me down and fill my brain with my body's natural feel-good chemicals in order to function.

It caused me to gain weight and with that weight gain, I became a target for bullies. Now a lot of my schoolmates say I was never really as big as I made myself out to be, but the damage was already done.

I went through years of disordered eating and eventually became an exercise bulimic- something I battle with to this day. After my daughter was born was when the bulimia was at its worst. I was obsessed with loosing the baby weight, and I dropped it fast. It didn't stop there, unfortunately.

Nowadays I am in a dilemma because my medication has made me gain a rather substantial amount of weight. I am doing my best to loose this weight gain sensibly and with much more concern for my overall health.

Day by day is the only way I can deal with it and still stay relatively happy.

Thank you for reading and please leave the link to your blog entry in my comments! I may have already posted a comment on your blog with my other profile already.


  1. I wish you well and luck on your journey.

  2. I can understand you very well, I had a similar disorder but due to love issues! Long story, but so can relate to your post. Thank you for sharing!

  3. Until February, I went thru many phases of emotional eating and not eating. We made some changes as a family in February and the support has helped with that quite a bit.

    I wish you well...and one day at a time is the best way to go :)

  4. I've been all over the place with eating disorders--from starving myself and losing so much weight that people wondered if I was on drugs to eating to cover emotions. I have learned that often when we this it is due to control issues--when our lives feel out of control and food is a fairly easy thing to control...

    Recently, I read a great book about this by Geneen Roth called, "Women Food and God." She talks about getting back into the body and feeling the emotions rather than hiding and masking with food... It's helped me a lot!

  5. @ D: thank you!

    @Claudia: Hope you're doing ok dealing with that

    @Jenn: I've definitely been doing way too much emotional eating for the past few months so I'm really trying to knock that off so I don't wind up with diabetes later on in life like my dad did

    @Marian: I'll have to see about that book!

  6. Good luck to you, and I need some of that luck too. It's amazing how many women deal with similar food-related issues. Great post.

  7. @Langley: I think it's something universal. I just wish women wouldn't starve themselves in competition to each other. That's one of the reasons I have a tendency to hang out with guys more often.