It is like having a devil on your shoulder whispering in your ear. Softly at first, but when It realizes you are battling against paying It any attention, it gets louder. And louder. The more you grit your teeth in resistance, the more that devil on your shoulder inches closer to your ear, whispering, Its hot breath tickling you slightly. It is a huge flirt with no shame, no empathy, and no compassion for Its target. Do not try to reason with It, because it will bite down on your neck and not budge. It flies into a rage at the drop of a dime. It is your only friend, even though It abuses your mind, your soul, your body. It is a rapidly spreading cancer that tries Its best to pretend It has your best interest at heart. It is crueler than a hurricane, and It rips and tears you apart with no apology. It is your first true love and your greatest liability. It is your master that feeds the cold and the fever, all at once.
"It" is your addiction.
If you had the opportunity to confront It and all It causes if It were in human form, what would you say to It?
I understand this. The older I have become, the more I realise that addiction is in the things we love, the actions we enjoy then become habitual because the pleasure we derive from them never lasts. But we still return to them, because we believe, insanely, that the pleasure we get, will be the same as it was the first time... but it isn't. It changes with each passing attempt. This is because each day is different. I am addicted to everything as I have what is now termed an addictive personality. Drugs, booze, sex, chocolate, fizzy dizzy fanta,facebook, the list is endless... I have an addictive personality because I am lonely inside. despite being in a family. I mow the lawn, do the dishes stuff hug my dear wife who I love, but fear to lose, as I am as addicted to her as much as I am addicted to everything else,
ReplyDeleteIm stuck in a town that's affluent and full of people who live in a bubble and enjoy keeping me out.
I have a very addictive personality as well. I get it from my father's side of the family. But that has bled over into forming quirky addictions like addiction to work, sugary beverages, sushi (I stuff myself with so much sushi I feel like I might explode)
DeleteYou are never cured from your disease of addiction. You can only take the proper precautions to keep those dangers at bay. Journaling and talking to like-minded people helps a lot.