I have been doing a little sniffing around for ideas for blogs, and I plan on starting to use the book of writing exercises I bought a while ago.
I'm just in a funk today because I still can't believe Lexi's dad never called us around Christmas. I tried contacting him with the number he gave me but it was always busy and the voice mail was always full. His cell phone must be shut off because he hasn't texted me either.
If this is some kind of harbinger, then I really need to take some time out of each day to let it sink in that I really am the mother and the father. He made it official when he couldn't even contact me on or near Christmas.
I'm not letting the fact that he cares so much what other people think about him effect me (I always confuse effect and affect. It's so annoying.). He always wants everyone thinking he's this upstanding guy while he goes around borrowing hundreds of dollars from his friends or ex's and never paying them back. He owes me money, and he owns my parents so much that it just makes me sick.
He is one of the most selfish people I have ever known. The fact that I do know he really does love Lexi isn't going to change that.
So far I have been blessed not to receive any drama from him or his family in a while. I wish I could hang out with Lexi's paternal side of relatives more often, and it hurts my feelings that they don't bother to call or contact me on Facebook every once in a while and ask if it's OK for them to visit.
All I can do at this point is try to think about all the relatives and friends (on and offline) who care so much about Lexi and I and would do whatever they could to help. Since Lexi was born there has been a ground swell of support that I never saw coming, and it never seems to end. The fact that Lexi has non-verbal Autism (she doesn't speak: she says a word or a sentence now and then but mostly she babbles like a 18 month old, which is also her mindset) has brought on even more support.
I just get emotional about all these things sometimes. Anyone would. I love my life but it is going to forever be an uphill battle.