This is my very first post on diaryland, long long ago, in a blogosphere far far away...
2000-10-01 - 12:27:49
i look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself anymore. when i walk the streets i blend in along with everyone else. just what i've always wanted.
but this is an alien lifestyle that i am not used to. instead of having to prove to everyone that i am worthy enough to get to know, i am automatically accepted. i listen to someone make fun of that fat girl they saw that night and i think if i had met you just a year and a half ago that could be me too. boys that never gave me the time of day before now act like it's their job to flirt with me or don't even know who i am because i am so changed.
i have not forgotten the prejudice i had to endure while i was so heavy. the abuse i was put through is burned in my memory. if those scars where physical there would be thousands of cuts and scratches decorating my body. they are visible to me. i get so angry when others don't see them.
what scares me the most is that i've done the one thing i've always wanted to do my whole life; the one thing i prayed for over and over again. and i did it. perhaps it's my own newly found courage that makes me uneasy