Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Other Half

It is starting to get less and less, the pain I have had in my heart. My sister's best friend was taken away from her and there is nothing I can do to fix it. That's what I feel in every part of my body at this point: He was perfect for her, why can't I just fix it, make it go away, my sister is just having a horrible nightmare......

That's what it feels like for me. This surreal version of grieving that came up from the depths of my heart and into my fingertips while I type away what I really would love to say to my sister but am way too timid to. She needs to keep busy, she told me. I don't know if she will allow herself to have a mourning period where it is just her soaking in everything that has gone on in these past few days. I can't force her to wallow, though, as much as I would love to. I'd stop whatever I was doing at the drop of a hat if she insinuated that she needs me. But what can I give her?

My sister needs me, now more than ever. The roles have been reversed: it is now my turn to be the alpha sibling who's job it is to cater to my poor sweet heartbroken sister. That is one of the hats I must add to my collection.

My sister's other half is gone, and no one will ever be able to take his place. This hurts my heart.

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