Wednesday, January 26, 2011


"Vesuvius is internal*. I will not be cheated of adventure, blood, love, sex, motion, trickeries, full noisy action. I have no use for literature. "
-Anais Nin

There were times growing up when I just did not want to think about the consequences of what I was doing; I just wanted the high. For every weekend I had stayed home reading a book, the more my hormones percolated. I would try to ignore it, I tried so hard, but I was no match for them.

So I started experimenting. I will only live once, and after all the trauma that has come my way, I make sure that I am giving myself experiences that will satisfy me. I could care less about the male I was with; it was about me getting the most out of my life and my experiences. That could range from the very chaste to the very twisted. I will try almost anything once. Even after I have campaigned that my wild days are over: if the hair on the back of my neck stands up, if I limbs cover in goose bumps, I know I'm about to have a once in a lifetime experience.

I am very careful not to put that amount of trust in the wrong hands. I think on it very carefully before I decide to do anything that is really pushing my boundaries.

Breaking boundaries and living to tell the tale is one of the biggest highs I have ever experienced in my entire life. What with my addictive personality, that can either cause a great deal of fun or a great deal of heartache.

I have gone through a lot of heartache. That comes directly after the copious amounts of pleasure I have received. Yin and Yang. One cannot have such exquisite pleasure without dealing with the eventual exquisite pain.

I walk the line and I am constantly breaking through barriers I built around myself, and I have taken so much time to put them up when I was a little girl. I wasn't stupid: I didn't get the straw or the twigs like the other girls foolishly collected. When I made this fortress, I fucking laid down cement and brick, and you know what? I wish there would be a wolf stupid enough to think he could destroy all I have built in one fell swoop.

*The female orgasm.

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