Dear Anon.

You, the two eyes reading this: you are not whom you think you are.

You have talent, humor and charm, and even though you seem like you aspire to be a scumbag, you are capable of so much more and you know it. It doesn’t make you cool to shrug off the expectations of those who care about you. It just makes you look like a fool. You don’t have to be a nice person if you know that’s not who you truly are. Being jerk and being a bad person can be two different things.

It is not ok when friends try to keep you from growing up because they themselves do not have the guts or the will power to become adults themselves. If they cannot balance responsibility with living life to the fullest, all they will ever do is drag you down so that you cannot make anything of yourself even if you tried. Simply having known someone your whole life doesn’t mean you need to keep them in your life for the sake of your future. That is something I am all too familiar with.

I have never thought you were a bad person, even when I tried to just get rid of you and never think about you again. At the time,that plan failed miserably.

From day one you’ve shown me a side of you that I doubt very much you show very many people, and maybe that is what scared you. I am sure the risk of my seeing it face to face (which I saw the moment you first laid eyes on me–I severely doubt you were even aware that your face lit up like a Christmas tree) probably scared you even more.

Whatever spin you want to put onto whatever it is we have: this is the real deal, Evander Holyfield. If you think I am just going to back out like I have before, then you’re in for a bumpy ride (and I say bring it).

I have made up my mind once and for all about you, and I will keep my distance so that you can gain distance from everything that has happened between us.

However, I said a long time ago that from the first time I saw you I knew I was in for it with you.

his is something I haven’t told anyone: the night before we met up, I had a dream about finally getting to meet you. When you guided me by the small of my back up the stairs: I dreamed that right down to what you said about me finally coming to hang out. All your attempts at chivalry that night I already saw in my dream.

At the end of the day, who knows if I will ever get lucky and find another person who took the misery away like you did. Maybe I never will.

It may be best that I just prepare myself for the latter. Just in case.

The whole package (daughter, career, spouse) may not be in the cards.

No matter what, from now on, I live for myself and my daughter. Whatever happens, happens.