That's easy. When I was pregnant with the man I thought I was going to marry's kid and found out he was cheating on me with five different women, and had been spending half his time and planned to move in with her.
I've used guys for sex before, I've even messed around with two different guys when I knew they had a girlfriend. One left his girlfriend for me, one I never wanted to go out with. He's the last person I'll ever mess around with whom I knew was attached. It's despicable, I know. However, a lot of guys have hooked up with me and told me afterwards that they had a girlfriend. I have never, God forbid, messed with a guy who turned out to be married. I hope I never do.
After what happened to me I've only been monogamous to one person. The odds are I never will be again. As Lexi gets older I have to be a lot more picky whom I bring around, especially because she's a special needs kid. Plus, my freedom means too much of me. I must have said this a thousand times, but it's just as true as the first time I've said it. I do get lonely sometimes, but I know it's going to be me and Lexi against the world.
Perhaps that day will come. You are answering a greater calling right now. And, yes, it is the two of you against the world. I'm married. My husband is the sole breadwinner, so I don't have your worries. I do relate to feel like being a partner with your child...just the two of you against the world. I have two kids with needs. I feel like it is us against them...and will be for quite some time.
ReplyDeleteYou are strong for a reason. You've got this.
Thank you!
ReplyDelete