Saturday, June 14, 2014

Someone should lay off the sizzurp

This is the comment that I made that started all of this (again not naming names: I am writing about this as a form of documentation, and in the style of the wonderful Michael Musto's column talking about the murder of Angel Melendez and the wild rumors flying about who killed him).  You can read about it below:

  If you know who I'm alluding to, and you want your story out there as well but want to tell it in a safe place in total anonymity,  you may e-mail me at:

we'll discuss what you would liked posted and all names and personal info will be changed.

The person is a washed up dime-a-dozen reality show has been that never was and never will be.  I will call her "Urinal Cake".  

So I wrote a satirical letter to someone to try to cheer them up because I had read what Urinal Cake had said ("I'll punch you in the f***ing stomach, hoe!!" is a clue) to them after they were done using the poor person. Here it is:

Dear ****:
Find some way to sedate **** that will last long enough and get a few other people to help you, then come on down to Philly with her and visit me (I live in NJ but right next to Philly.) **** posted my IP address and the town I live in on her first crackpot truth blog so maybe you could get directions from her before you slip her a mickey.. We can all get our pictures taken with the Rocky statue at the Philly Museum of Art, which by the way, has a lovely flight of stairs to push **** down. Provided the fetus growing in Maleficent’s (I mean ****’s) retched womb is legit and isn’t another “food baby” like last time. Hell, even if it is a hoax baby, let’s push her anyway. Maybe we’ll get lucky and her neck will snap and she’ll be taken up to baby Jebus, what with her being a born again Protestant (she probably is just saying that because she listed Anne Boleyn as a role model or something in her book).
Love, Katie

 Urinal Cake got this comment from a celebrity gossip site  Urinal Cake trolls regularly in order to find anything Urinal Cake can scrape up to cause drama and make Urinal Cake the victim due to the last person  Urinal Cake used taking a stand and releasing some things that  Urinal Cake has said that are the REAL her, not the "girl next door who's somewhere in between".  

Here is Urinal Cake's response:

June 8, 2014:" Oh that's so classy! Look at this vile, jealous, hateful, violent, ugly, and serial killer sounding stalker that I have stalking my life. Not only is she making death threats, she continues to do so carelessly even knowing that I am a pregnant woman. Trying to push me down and snap my neck while I am with child? Classy. I will be filing a police report on this vile piece of human garbage! Thank you, Kate Andrews for letting us all know where you are located, and the reason why I most likely posted your IP address before was due to these exact reasons for your daily harassments, and clearly unhealthy obsession with my life along with the rest of your drones. I'm sure the police does not take making death threats to people online very lightly. Especially to a pregnant women who is also a public figure."

Urinal Cake then spent a few hours refreshing one of my Facebook pages to see what I would say to her publicly, because my account is automatically sent to "friend's only" (not because I got scared and blocked Urinal Cake and Urinal Cake's minions).  I have screenshots of comments she has since deleted:

Flight of stairs.  Not off a bridge.  It's ok, "stairs" and "bridge" DO sound a lot alike.

 June 10, 2014 "Update: I just returned from filing a police report at the Sheriff's Department Katie Andrews aka real name: Kathryn S*, and she is officially on file for terrorists threats, and is being investigated by the HOMICIDE division! WOW! Texas sure does NOT PLAY! I cannot post further information on this case as it is currently being investigated, and is not a game. I surely hope that online bullies do not think that they can keep getting away with stalking and harassing people's lives. Just because you hide behind your computer screen does NOT mean you are invincible from the law. They take these things very seriously these days since there have been so many murders that start from online. Please be safe out there everyone and if Katie was smart her and her drones should just leave it alone and stop harassing people. The sheriff also gave me the DA's number if she continues to harass me."
 #Homicide #TerroristThreats #PoliceReports #OnlineBullies#Stalkers #Haters

Oh, sure, I'M the terrorist when eight days ago Urinal Cake posts this (I think they may have deleted it)talking about how one of her friends (quite logically) thought she should wait to buy her Mom a car because she has a baby on the way:

 The bottom line is that Urinal Cake gave themself away, and Urinal Cake is SUPER pissed off that I am not afraid. I will not stop rubbing her face into the fact that she gave herself away and proved that Urinal Cake checks wherever I comment or post to see if I am talking about them, and that you cannot be charged with stalking because you read everything another person posts publicly on the internet.  If it's posted publicly, it is public knowledge. 

Like this comment she left before she posted the screencap of my comment that she took. It proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that she reads the gossip site I go to in order to look for opportunities to harass either myself or the other regular commenters there.  That's why in all her B.S. she never mentions the site, because she's caught.

(And yet I'M the unsophisticated one)

,  I don't take too kindly to people who post my government name and what town and state I live in with malicious intent. According to Urinal Cake it was perfectly fine that she had posted my info before, and it's perfectly fine now, because according to her I am being paid by an ancient secret society to spy on her all along, and people deserve to know where I live and threaten me because of that.

No, seriously.  That is Urinal Cake's explanation.  That's not the reason, obviously.

The truth is:

I am really jealous.  Urinal Cake is right.  I will never be able to create energy balls and lasers and tornados and worm holes out of thin air from my fingertips AND IT KILLS ME.  

Everyone go on ahead and judge me. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep and dream of all the free food I'll get once the Sheriff of Texas arrests me and throws me in the pokey for terrorist threats and kidnap.